[post 055]
We all know how hard it can be for a Hollywood star to make ends meet these days, what with the economy and all, which is why so many famous actors and directors have to choose between waiting tables and doing Japanese commercials. These commercials are so demanding that only a select few choose to go this route. Thanks to guest poster
Jonathan Lyons for alerting me to a practice that recalls the slave trade of centuries past.
If you think I'm exaggerating, just look at Brad Pitt being forced to lift a 600-pound sumo wrestler in this
Softbank commercial directed by none other than Spike Jonze.
Serving you any way necessary, indeed! Apparently Brad did have some help from wires, but I suspect that was meant to protect Mr. Sumo and not our beloved Brad.
And as if that weren't enough, Brad was forced into a second humiliation, humbling himself as the wrestler's nursemaid in plain view of the clientele at a fine dining establishment.
I know what you're saying: what's next, changing his diapers?
Well, they do say bad luck comes in threes. Big-Shot director Wes Anderson, who happens to be a Big Fan of
Jacques Tati, filmed another one of these
Softbank commercials, this time forcing Pitt to wear a hideous yellow outfit and do a weak imitation of Tati's Monsieur Hulot character. Bad idea. If you read internet comments — and they are like
The Bible to me — no one knew who Pitt was imitating or why he was stiffly bending his torso like that.
I should stop there, but as it turns out Brad Pitt isn't the only inglourious basterd being forced to make a fool of himself on the other side of the globe. Even Quentin Tarantino needs to rake in some occasional chump change.
I told you we shouldn't have let SONY buy MGM.
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