On Losing the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. (Again)

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Despite its enduring popularity, not everyone reads The New Yorker, so some quick background: Founded a century ago primarily as a humor magazine, The New Yorker is known for its fiction writing, in-depth journalism and, yes, still for its humor, in the form of essays and cartoons. The cartoon caption contest is a relatively new feature: a cartoon illustration is presented and readers submit what they think is the funniest caption. Magazine editors select three finalists and readers vote to choose a winner. I've entered a few times and, inexplicably, never won. Well, they do average over 5,000 contestants per cartoon, so....

Which brings us to the captionless cartoon above, drawn by Mik Stevens and appearing in the October 13, 2025 issue. I haven't read the thousands of answers submitted, but below are some samples. 

Many of them play on such clichés as the clown car and oversized clown shoes: 

• "I can’t find your appointment. Have you checked inside your ear?”
• "My boss is busy right now, but if you want to leave your card, I’ll turn it in to a scarf”.
• "Wanna join the carpool? We can always squeeze you in."
• "Coffee, tea, balloon animal?"
• “Would you like some seltzer while you wait?”
• "You'll have some really big shoes to fill."
• “He was juggling too many things on his own, so he hired me.”
• “There are fourteen other clowns under this desk.”
• "Please take a seat, and feel free to honk the nose if you need anything.”
• "He’ll be with you in a minute. Can I offer you a custard pie while you wait?"
• "Yeah, I know. Four years of Clown College and I end up with an admin position.” [4 years??]

The clown being Trump's personal assistant was of course a frequent theme:

• “I have an appointment to see the President…”

• "I’m sorry. The president’s cabinet is full."
• "The previous secretary didn't represent the values and goals of the current administration."
• “It’s not required, but if you want to work for this administration, it doesn’t hurt.”

Yeah, those are mostly groaners. I thought these were some of the better ones:
• "No one told you? It's face-your-fear Friday."
•. "I was assigned 'not funny' at birth"
• “Welcome to Pagliacci and Cohen.”
• “You know what they say, dress for the job you want.”
• “The mime had terrible phone etiquette.” 
• “He didn’t define business casual, and I didn’t ask.”
• “I just knew I wanted something different for my life, so I ran away and joined the office.”

And these two mined famous quotes:

• "Funny how? I make you laugh? I’m here to amuse you??" (Goodfellas)
• “Don’t bother. I’m here.” (Send in the Clowns)

And what was my caption? I can't locate my exact submission from 3 months ago, but I remember disliking the image of the clown being presented, so I chose to comment on that. It went something like this: "Oh, me? I'm only in this cartoon to help The New Yorker perpetuate stupid media images of the clown." I still can't figure out why I didn't win.

And now to the winners:
1. "The boss has an irrational fear of secretaries."
2. "Let me warm him up for you."
3. "You're getting a raise, but it involves stilts."

I like the winner enough, but find the other two pretty meh. I'm such a sore loser!